The Book, The final chapter - my all time favourites.

I hope you all enjoyed the series it was a great walk down memory lane.

As promised below is a list of my all time favourites quotes.
It was a really difficult choice to cut them down to my top 14 from the 150 + which were published, there were probably another 150 which didnt even get to print. A thoroughly enjoyable task.

As mentioned, for those who haven't read this series, the quotes below were made in innocence during day to day conversation during my times at British Telecom in the 80's and 90's. Some may not make sense but you really had to be there.

• "Frogs are harmless they wouldn't hurt a fly" - John
• "I can only wink with one eye" - Nigel
• "I've got two girls on my production line pregnant" - Terry
• "The new Datsun's got a 100,000 year warranty" - Fred
• "You never see a bald ginger haired person" - Phil
• "I don't know what I said because I wasn't there" - Fred
• "I got stopped the other day by a plain clothed police car" - Nigel
• "My friend grows turkeys" - Mike
• "There are some Peregrine Falcons camping in the quarry" - Bob
• "These verbal promises are not worth the paper they are written on" - Ken
• "When your in a plane your so high you can see the sun rise" - Alan
• There's no need to worry, life will get you in the end" - John
• "I have never been unfaithful to my wife or any of my girlfriends" - Rob
• "It will only take 1/2 hour, well 30 mins at the most" - Bug

I hope you enjoyed this series as much as I have.
B...

The Book!! Chapter twelve.

This is a sad post in some ways, its the last chapter in "the book".

For those who are new to this series, the quotes below were made in innocence during day to day conversation during my times at British Telecom in the 80's and 90's. Some may not make sense but you really had to be there.

• "When your in a plane your so high you can see the sun rise" - Alan
• "Did you tell Alan?" "Yes I did, but he wasn't there" - Gavin
• "What is Terry's name?" - Alan
• "When they are in the boat race, they do about 4 knots standing still" - Terry
• "The more you earn the more tax you pay, its illogical" - Merick
• "They are exactly the same component but they are different" - Anon
• "They are so cruel to their animals, they kill them while they are still living" - Claire
• "All smoking should be banned, even passive smoking kills" "Yeah it even kills non smokers" - Nigel
• "I worked all day Saturday night" - Barry
• "I'm going to but a burglar alarm for the house because they have started breaking into cars up our place" - Nigel
• "He was smaller than me but he was huge" - Ken
• "Its pick on me fortnight this week" - Nigel
• "Anyone who's name begins with B should be fired" "First name or Christian name?" - Nigel
• "Some people still couldn't hear if they were blindfolded" - Claire

That's it, I will continue to look out for more mishaps in my day to day ongoings.

I have really enjoyed this trip down memory lane, it has brought back some great memories.
I will add one more chapter with my all time favourites soon.
B...

The Book!! Chapter eleven.

I have really enjoyed writing this series it has brought back some fond memories with only two chapters to go.


For those who are new to this series, the quotes below were made in innocence during day to day conversation during my times at British Telecom in the 80's and 90's. Some may not make sense but you really had to be there.

• "My take home pay before tax is $267" - Andrew
• "Hey I've got grass growing in my garden! - There's almost as much grass growing in my garden as on my head" - Nigel
• "It's enough to make your eye's curl" - Joe
• "I went outside earlier and it was so hot I couldn't see" - Tony 
• "Frogs are harmless they wouldn't hurt a fly" - John
• "We are running off to John O Groats to get married" - Gavin
• "I expected an easy week today" - Moony
• "The machine is running bad, to say it's bad is an under exaggeration" - Alan
• "I've got an oil leak on my exhaust pipe" - Wallace
• "The thought of death frightens the life out of me" - Rob

I hoped you enjoyed the penultimate chapter, one left to follow.
B...

The Book!! Chapter ten

The Summer has been spent full of soccer with a rare vacation thrown in.
Time to get back to some other subjects, below is the latest chapter of "The Book".

For those who are new to this series, the quotes below were made in innocence during day to day conversation during my times at British Telecom in the 80's and 90's. Some may not make sense but you really had to be there.

• "There's no need to worry, life will get you in the end" - John
• "The more dimples on a golf a golf ball the further it goes, sometimes" - Fred
• "How can he speak English if he can't speak French?" - Tucker
• "There's a good article in the newspaper today, I havent read it yet though" - Fred
• "Either that or he was deaf and dumb just singing" - Chris
• "Are Eskimo's human?" - Angela
• "It will only take 1/2 hour, well 30 mins at the most" - Bug
• "Can you see any alterations on there that aren't on there?" - Rob
• "Go and see him on the phone" - Ceri
• "He was wound up like a key" - Bob Mosley
• "This morning when I went to start my car the battery was as dead as a pancake" - Nigel
• "He's on his own, just the two of them, all by himself" - Phil
• "I am going to rub my teak table down to the bare metal" - Angela
• "Good job its plastic glass" - Fred Jinks
• "This is supposed to be a new series but I havent seen it before" - Ceri's Mum.

Keep on following, there are one or two chapters left.
B...

The Book!! Chapter nine.

Blogging has been a little more successful since videoing my sons soccer games, but in order to keep a little focus I feel that I shouldn't forget about some of the other items I occasionally write about.

Its been a little while since I added a chapter to "The Book" but here goes: -

For those who are new to this series, the quotes below were made in innocence during day to day conversation during my times at British Telecom in the 80's and 90's. Some may not make sense but you really had to be there.

• "Andrews on a pension now" - "How long will that last?" - Shakey
• "The new product is going to have 7 flow lines, 5 on days and 3 on nights" - Ransome
• "I've got one of those new fires in my house, you know the ones with flames" - Gavin
• "You never see a bald ginger haired person" - Phil
• "I can only wink with one eye" - Nigel
• "I saw Helen but she wasn't there" - Bob
• "I don't even know if she's female" - John
• "I saw her walking past in her car" - Bob
• "Did you see the way he drifted up the river?" - Moony
• "He couldn't get back up he was just stood there" - Dai
• "You can put on weight by not eating" - Shakey
• "These verbal promises are not worth the paper they are written on" - Ken
• "Oil is made up of Moluscules" - Nigel
• "I cant remember what I'm supposed to forget" - John
• "Its a good bit of an awful idea" - John
• "How long is 40 Minutes on for?" - Mikes wife
• "That was a bad week April" - Phil
• "That golf course is all up hill" - Gareth

That's it for now, more to follow later
B...

The Book!! Chapter eight.

Another chapter in the series,
For those who are new to this series, the quotes below were made in innocence during day to day conversation during my times at British Telecom in the 80's and 90's. Some may not make sense but you really had to be there.

• "if you ate water for the rest of your life you would still fart" - Rob
• "funny how that spins when you turn it" - Fred
• Q - "How big is the garage?" - A "pretty big you can fit a car in it" - Ian
• "its funny when you put on old clothes they feel smelly" - Rob
• "Terry Waite will remain missing until his where abouts are known" - Radio
• Q - "Was there a leap year in 1972?" - A "no they are every 4 years and there was one in 1976" - Rob.
• "There's a couple of Friday the 13th's this month" - Wayne.
• "What date is the 12th on?" - Moony
• "How much is a 17p stamp" - Bug
• "Nitric acid, that's a fruit isn't it" - Dai
• "I prefer to be ripped off honestly" - Dai
• "I suppose your going home to chew barbed wire with your bare hands" - Dai
• "Now the hand is on the other foot" - Gavin
• "You can buy a chair now that you can sit in" - Fred
• "He looks like a pet with a new dog" - Mike
• "If they can sit there and walk around then they can sit there and work" - Gavin
• "Was it you or your brother that dies the other day" - Annon
• "Turn him every half hour on the hour" - Wayne

Look forward to chapter nine in a little while.
B...

The Book!! Chapter seven.

In a vain attempt to keep posting on my Blog, I have added the next chapter in the series.

For those who are new to this series, the quotes below were made in innocence during day to day conversation during my times at British Telecom in the 80's and 90's. Some may not make sense but you really had to be there.

• "The fishing wont be any good there is too much wet water about" - Bob
• "For all I know you may be able to play squash like the Arga Khan" - James
• "John can I have a word when you have finished dotting your T's?" - Mel
• "I'm not as old as I used to be" - Gavin
• "I got stopped the other day by a plain clothed police car" - Nigel
• "My friend grows turkeys" - Mike
• "They have a night watchman 24 hours a day" - Rob
• "Put your mouth where your money is" - Bug
• "I want a screw this size only bigger" - Murphy
• "2001 a space oddity" - Rob
• "I have never been unfaithful to my wife or any of my girlfriends" - Rob
• "Its the last straw in the coffin" - Terry
• "It may be higher but its not above it" - Gordon
• "All those rich dudes walking around in cadolacs" - Dai
• "Cal him a bear cos he looks like an ape" - Rob

More to follow,
B...

The Book!! Chapter six

Its been a little while since I added some mishaps from long ago.

For those who are new to this series, the quotes below were made in innocence during day to day conversation during my times at British Telecom in the 80's and 90's. Some may not make sense but you really had to be there.

• "Whats on a parts list" - Fred
• "Has your house got subsistance" - Nigel
• "When its quiet it's surprising how loud it is" - Hunch
• "This fresh tin of salmon isn's fresh" - Fred
• "Was she a boy as well" - Bob
• "Everything has floated to the bottom" - Chris
• "He will probably end up marrying his wife" - Dai
• "All you do is wash it then stand up side down" - Nigel
• "It's not her fault she's fat, she has a weight problem" - Dai
• "When I said Friday afternoon it could have been 3:30 or 11:30" - Fred
• "Those men in there they are just kids" - Annon
• "I am trying to get used to drinking coffee without sugar, I dont like it in a mug so I'll try it in a cup" - Gordon
• "If they dont start getting their feet wet over there they will soon drown" - Gordon
• "Once in a lifetime agin" - Chris

I hope you enjoyed these, more to follow.

B...

The Book!! Chapter five

This is an easy post for me to write when there seems little else to publish, I think there is quite a line between Twitter, Facebook and Blogging. I don't tend to post anything on my blog unless its worthwhile (Hopefully)!!
Enjoy the next chapter, for those who are new to this series, the quotes below were made in innocence during day to day conversation during my times at British Telecom in the 80's and 90's. Some may not make sense but you really had to be there.

• "Rob is going to be so drunk, especially if there is free food" - Ceri
• "He's an MOT instructor" - Bob
• "I saw her at her stag night" - Bob
• "I'll toss you a pint, double or quits" - Mike W
• "This Guinness is like drinking fresh air" - Fred
• "I'm not as old as I used to be" - John J
• "How long is 700mm" - Gordon
• "That's not an RS232 its a printer interface" - Gav
• "I've got two girls on my production line pregnant" - Terry
• "Have you got a second to spare when you have a minute" - Gavin
• "I always watch Question Time but I didn't see it last night" - Bug
• "Temporary full time staff wanted" - Seen on a shop window
• "My breath tasted smelly" - Nigel
• "It was when she was married to her husband" - Bob

More to follow

B...

The Book!! Chapter four

OK, so in an attempt to keep blogging somewhat regularly below is the next chapter the series of one liners from "The Book", a daily log of any nonsense or generally stupid things which were said between the Engineering team at British Telecom in the 80's enjoy: -

• "We have already bought 25 in the future" - Bug
• "I saw a mink with a rabbit in his mouth" - Chris
• "I hope the weather is like today and tomorrow" - Ian
• " I've never heard Rob so quiet" - Mirian
• "Did you hear about that accident that happened next week?" - Terry
• "I wrote a letter to Alan on the 51st of July" - Gordon
• "I just cant understand those cardboard boxes" - Bug
• "No it wasn't yesterday it was the day after" - John
• "It takes about 10 miles to walk a minute" - Tracey
• "There are three in total, one for the tester and one for you guys" - Nigel
• "Who do you phone to see if someone is in or not?" - Nigel
• "Does your wife work in a hospital or a car?" - Bob

More next week.

B...

The Book!! Chapter three

I hope you are enjoying this series of one liners from "The Book", a daily log of any nonsense or generally stupid things which were said daily between the Engineering team at British Telecom. Enjoy.
Also found this neat application "Bloghop" link below. It would be good to know if anyone else has been using it,
Anyway, over to a few more one liners from co workers back in the 80"s at British Telecom, enjoy: -

• "Is it August now? Yes all day" - Nigel
• "Yes most of the time, but not normally" - Chris
• "No its not an echo, its just coming back a few seconds later" - Sharon
• "I made these sandwiches last night, Cucumber, Tomatoes and salad" - Nigel
• "Once you get to the top it carries on" - Neil
• "Fred's got convictions now, he's married" - Nigel
• "The numbers are random but they are the same each time" - Bob
• "What colour copper pipes do you want?" - Bob
• "My dogs dead, Yeah whats wrong with it?" - Moony
• "He's the opening batsman for the local bowling team" - Gavin

Stay tuned more to come.

B...

The Book!! Chapter two

OK, below are a few new one liners from "The Book", a daily log of any nonsense during my days at British Telecom. Enjoy.

• "It was Pi$$ing down outside, What rain?" - Hunch front
• "There are some Peregrine Falcons camping in the quarry" - Bob
• "I knew there was something wrong when it didn't work" - John
• "I locked my keys in the car door on the weekend" - Moony
• "He was huge and big with it" - Bob
• "Whats on those disks you haven't got" - Nigel
• "Its a wonder you can see me behind this background" - Hunch front

Keep posted for the next page.

B...

The Book!!

After talking to Claire about Blogs one thing she mentioned is that some people need something funny to read. With that piece of advice I have decided to add a little laughter, hopefully, to this blog.

One of the threads I will be adding are excerpts from "The Book". This book was generated while working back in Wales at British Telecom.

As a young apprentice working with engineers, Technicians and production workers we often (OK for 8 hours per day) poked fun at each other. It certainly built character and thick skin.

As part of the daily humiliation if anyone said something which made no sense, or generally stupid comments they were duly recorded into "The Book". I have often thought about sending some of these anecdotes to the Readers Digest, some I'm sure would be published.

Some are very stupid, some are very funny and some, well you just had to be there!!

The person making the comment is added by first name only to protect the innocent, you know who you are, enjoy: -

• "The new Datsun's got a 100,000 year warranty" - Fred
• "I don't know what I said because I wasn't there" - Fred
• "I drink my first pint quick to thirst my quench" - Bob
• "Birthday already, she had one last year" - Nigel
• "What colour paint stripper was it?" - Sharron

Many more to come, this is just a few from the first page.

B...